


Dark Rider Interviews

by xt1me



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, dark riders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-12
Updated: 2007-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24721561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xt1me/pseuds/xt1me
Summary: Cleaning out some old files I realized I never posed this here.Pure crack, not to be taken seriously.Exactly what it says in the title.
Kudos: 1





	Dark Rider Interviews

_There is a room with a table, behind it are DARKRIDER1 (D1) & DARKRIDER2 (D2). They are about to start the interviews for a replacement for the Darkrider who was killed in "Return of the King".  
_ _The door opens & in comes a dark hooded figure. It looks just like the darkriders & appears to be floating._

**D1** : Well I must say you look the part. We just have to ask a few questions.

 **Dementor** : Hssss. D1: Um, yeah. Can you ride a horse?

 **Dementor** : (Shakes head.) hssss.

 **D1** : Yes..well..you see, we're the 9 riders. It kind of implies that you, well, ride.

 **Dementor** : HSSSS!

 **D2** : Thanks for your time. We'll call.

 **D1** : NEXT!

_Exit dementor._

________________________________________

_Another tall dark robed figure comes in._

**D1** : First thing I have to ask. Can you ride a horse?

 **Death** : YES. I HAVE ONE OF MY OWN

 **D2** : That's great but we will provide you with the horse.

 **Death** : VERY WELL, BUT I CAN ONLY WORK PART-TIME

 **D1** : Excuse me.

 **Death** : I HAVE ANOTHER JOB WHICH TAKES UP A LOT OF TIME.

 **D1** : I'm sorry but this is more of a full time position. We'll let you know if anything else comes up.

 **D2** : NEXT!

_Exit Death. (Though the wall.)_

________________________________________

_Someone dressed in motorcycle gear comes in._

**D1** : I don't think you’re quite what we're looking for.

 **Biker** : (gets right in D1's face) Oh yeah, why not.

 **D2** : Oh no, I'm sure you're fine. Um can you ride a horse?

 **Biker** : Horses are a thing of the past. Your never getting anywhere with a horse. I've got a perfectly good Harley outside.

 **D1** : That's not really what we're looki...(Biker grabs D1 by the robe) but I'm sure we can work around that. We'll call you & let you know.

 **D2** : (quickly) NEXT!

_Exit Biker._

________________________________________

_Another figure in a robe comes in as D1 rearranges his robes._

**D1** : Right now, can you ride a... What are you wearing!

 **Guy In Robe** : It's a robe.

 **D2** : No it's not.

 **D1** : It's a bed sheet.

 **Guy** : No it's not.

 **D1** : It is, there's flowers around the edges.

 **D2** : It's not even black. It's a kind of dark blue.

 **Guy** : Only in this light.

 **D1** : We have an image to maintain you know.

 **Guy** : Look I can ride a horse.

 **D2** : Yes but we can't go around being called the 8 riders & that one guy in a bedsheet.

 **Guy** : It's not a bedsheet!

 **D1** : We'll call you.

 **D2** : NEXT!

_E_ _xit Guy._

________________________________________

_I_ _n comes yet another guy in a robe. This one's black. Unfortunately he has a horse helmet & a protective vest on over it & a riding crop in one hand. As he comes in the robes parts enough to see he's wearing those funny riding pants & boots. _

**D2** : (Mutters) Oh no, it's Phil.

 **Phil** : Hi!

 **D1** : (Whispers) Who's Phil?

 **D2** : (Whispers) He's my cousin. He's a little horse mad.

 **D1** : So, Phil. Phil: Yes?

 **D1** : I understand you can ride.

 **Phil** : Oh yes. I've won trophies. Do you want to see?

 **D1** : You brought your trophies with you?

 **Phil** : No, that's silly. I bought pictures. (Pulls out a photo album from under his robe & opens it. Inside are photos of trophies, medals & horses.)

 **D2** : (Whispers urgently) Stop him quick or he'll start talking about them.

 **D1** : (Whispers) Bad?

 **D2** : (Whispers) We'll be here for hours.

 **D1** : That's ok. We'll call you.

 **D2** : (A little desperately) NEXT!

 **Phil** : Bye!

_Exit Phil._

________________________________________

_Next comes in another person in a black robe. This one looks just like D1 & D2 only 1/2 the size. _

**D1** : (Whispers to D2) Who's that?

 **D2** : (Whispers back) You know who we're trying to replace?

 **D1** : (Whispers) Yeah.

 **D2** : (Whispers) That's his kid.

 **D1** : (looks at kid.) I think may be a little young for this job.

_Kid looks at D1._

**D1** : Besides we’re the 9 riders not the 8 & a 1/2.

_Kid looks at D1_

**D1** : We'll call you?

_kid shuffles out_

**D2** : NEXT!!!

________________________________________

_In comes a well-dressed woman._

**D1** : We do have kind of a dress code.

 **Woman** : What's wrong with what I'm wearing?

 **D2** : It's not black.

 **D1** : It's not a robe.

 **Woman** : Well excuses me for wanting to look nice for an interview.

 **D1** : It's not that...

 **Woman** : It's because I'm a woman isn't it?

 **D2** : Excuse me?

 **Woman** : I've seen the other people waiting. They’re all men!

 **D1** : Yes but...

 **Woman** : You’re a man aren't you!

 **D1** : Well yes but...

 **Woman** : This is discrimination!

 **D1** : Now look...

 **Woman** : You not going to give me the job because you feel threatened by strong women!

 **D1** : It's not ...

 **Woman** : I can sue you know.

 **D1** : There's no need...

 **Woman** : I've got all the proper qualifications. You can't get away with this!

 **D2** : We'll call you, ok?

 **Woman** : Fine!

_Woman storms out._

**D1** : (Weakly) Next!

_Another darkrider pokes his head though the door._

**D3** : The interviews are over.

 **D1** : There's no one else?

 **D2** : Oh don't tell me we're stuck with her.

 **D3** : No. The Dark Lord Sauron was destroyed. We're all out of jobs.

 **D1** : Oh thank the Eye. I need a drink.

 **D2** : I'll join you.

**THE END.**


End file.
